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My opinion about long distance relationships changed after my fourth heartbreak

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The man isn’t sure whether to tell his friend’s partner (stock photo) (Image: Getty Images/iStockphoto)

What exactly is love and why is it so difficult to find that right person who is ready to invest and also take risks?

It’s fascinating how some people get to meet their soul mates easily while others have to come across the sons and daughters of the fallen angel. I get it – it’s probably meant to prepare us on how to treat the right person well, but should it be like that often?

I first came across the saying “there is light at the end of the tunnel” in one of Peggy Oppong’s books. I can’t recall which book exactly, but since then, I have held on to this saying, hoping life would turn out good for me too, someday.

It is not the case that I wasn’t enjoying good things in life, but there is nothing much more fulfilling than being an independent adult and having everything fall in line including matters of the heart.

Growing up, I preferred to keep to myself and made few friends. As a result, dating was not an ideal situation for me since it required engaging another person for very long.

But little did I know that there would come a time as an adult when money would not satisfy every desire. I was yearning for love, a partner, someone I could connect with and have deep conversations about life.

I resisted love so hard; but when push came to shove, I gave in. I got into my first-ever romantic relationship after senior high school.

The thought of seeing him so many times in a week creeped me out so I opted for a long-distance relationship. This made me less anxious.

The relationship started on a good note. It was rosy and succulent. As usual, the calls were constant even when there was nothing to talk about, the ‘how are you doing’ questions followed every morning and his voice was the last thing I heard before I retired to bed.

I was happy I went for this long distance relationship module.

All good things indeed come to an end one way or the other. The moment came when Kojo (not his real name) started making requests I could not give in to. Hmm! I was not ready to delve into such matters. Eventually, he started messing around. I had no evidence but the clues were too glaring.

My opinion about long distance relationships changed after my fourth heartbreak
Photo credit: Tiny Buddha

Kojo kept displaying different ladies on his WhatsApp status with heartwarming captions. I also noticed that there was this particular lady he posted on Facebook. My investigations led me to some compromising comments my then boyfriend left in the comment section of her post.

One day, I received a message from an unknown number. My boyfriend was the subject matter so I engaged this individual. It turned out to be Kojo’s younger brother. From the way he spoke, it felt like I was his favourite person.

He confirmed my suspicions.

“You are a nice person. I can’t hide this from you. My brother is dating another girl in our hood,” he said.

I then understood why during my rare visits, Kojo ensured we always use one particular route although several others would lead me where I could get a vehicle home.

Kojo and I dated for about 5 years. We broke up and reconnected several times. After his brother’s revelation, I advised myself and called it quits and this time round never went back for the ‘lai momo’- ex boyfriend.”

Well, my unsuccessful first relationship did not deter me from getting into another and still the long distance relationship kind.

This too did not go as planned, but it wasn’t because Kweku (not his real name) cheated on me. He just could not forgo the emotions he had for his ex-girlfriend. He was open about it and I understood him. However, it wasn’t easy to let him go. After we ended this, I kept calling to check up on him and all with silent prayers that his relationship fails so he comes back to me but it didn’t happen so I maneuvered and got over him.

Since the two long-distance relationships failed, I decided to try again at home. I dated a guy in my neighborhood whom I had had a crush on since JHS. Although he had expressed interest in me, my long-distance mentality prevented me from giving him a chance.

All the same, I said yes to him with the hope that something serious will come out of the relationship; after all, it has been a long chase of 6 years. But regardless of the fact that I lived next door, he entertained other ladies in his chamber. But I did not mention his immoral conduct to him. He, therefore, assumed I had no knowledge of it.

However, as time passed, I realised that self-care was more valuable, so I broke up with him. His break-up was legendary…I am tempted to spill the tea now. But hold on, I promise to tell this tale in my next write-up.

After home relationship also failed, I went back to old routes, which also ended in tears. That was my fourth relationship. Was it the case that long-distance relationships don’t just work or I was expecting an angel on earth?

I threw in the towel on relationships after this chapter and focused on my work. I was happy work took most of my time, leaving me with little or no time to think of relationships, love and the fear of getting my poor heart broken beyond repair or probably breaking others’ hearts too.

My opinion about long distance relationships changed after my fourth heartbreak

It was after I had given up that this wonderful guy came and swept me off my feet. Wow, love is indeed sweet only when you find that right person. At this point, I realised the issue was not the distance but rather the party involved.

Initially, I was a bit skeptical because it was another long-distance relationship. But to my utter surprise, Kofi (not his real name) has been the best thing that happened to me. He has shown me the meaning of true love and I hope to enjoy its fruits soon and not be out of season.

We have decided to take our Cinderella fairy tale to the next level.

Finally, the tears have dried up, ushering in a moment of laughter, which I hope will last till wrinkles appear on our youthful faces.

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